Why dysregulation makes sense
Many people come into therapy not fully knowing how they feel, they just know that they feel something. Others come in reporting no feelings at all. Both are signs of dysregulation. The former is obvious, the latter occurs as a result of your nervous system keeping you safe.
You might feel overwhelmed, shut down, reactive, or emotionally exhausted even when nothing feels wrong. In moments of tension or conflict, you may notice that your chest tightens, your thoughts race, or you freeze during difficult conversations or maybe you feel the urge to escape situations that don’t seem dangerous on the surface.
This experience is often described as dysregulation. Nervous system dysregulation is a sign that your system is working to keep you safe.
You might feel this before you ever have words for it
For many people, dysregulation shows up before there’s language for it.
You may notice:
- Sudden anxiety or irritability
- Feeling numb, disconnected, or far away
- Difficulty focusing or making decisions
- An urge to people-please, explain yourself, or keep the peace
- Shutting down during conflict, even when you want to speak
These reactions often come with self-judgment. You may tell themselves they’re too sensitive, dramatic, lazy, or weak.
But these responses didn’t come out of nowhere.
What’s happening in your nervous system during dysregulation
Your nervous system’s primary job is safety.
When it senses threat — emotional, relational, or environmental — it shifts into survival responses automatically. This can include:
- Fight: irritability, defensiveness, anger
- Flight: restlessness, anxiety, overworking
- Freeze: numbness, shutdown, dissociation
- Fawn: people-pleasing, over-attuning to others
These responses aren’t conscious choices. They’re learned patterns, often shaped by early relationships, chronic stress, or environments where safety depended on staying alert, agreeable, or emotionally attuned to others.
Dysregulation doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your body learned how to survive.
Common signs of nervous system dysregulation
Dysregulation can look different from person to person, but common experiences include:
- Tight chest or shallow breathing
- Racing thoughts or mental fog
- Emotional overwhelm or sudden tears
- Difficulty resting, even when exhausted
- Feeling on edge or hyper-alert
- Emotional numbness or withdrawal
- Strong reactions that feel bigger than the moment
Many people notice these patterns most clearly in relationships, during conflict, or when they finally slow down.
Dysregulation isn’t a personal failure; it’s protection
Many of the patterns people want to “fix” in therapy once served an important purpose.
At some point, your nervous system learned:
- This is how I stay connected.
- This is how I avoid conflict.
- This is how I get through hard things.
Those strategies may no longer fit your current life, but they made sense in the context where they developed.
Understanding dysregulation through the nervous system helps shift the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What did my body learn, and what does it need now?”
How nervous-system-aware therapy can help
Nervous-system-aware therapy doesn’t focus on forcing calm or overriding your reactions.
Instead, it helps you:
- Understand your body’s stress responses
- Notice patterns with curiosity rather than judgment
- Build capacity for regulation over time
- Develop more choice in how you respond especially in relationships
For many people, this work leads to feeling more present, less reactive, and better able to stay connected to themselves and others.
If you recognize yourself in these experiences, you’re not broken — and you’re not alone. Therapy can be a space to slow down, understand your nervous system, and relate to your body with more compassion.
I offer nervous-system-aware, trauma-informed therapy for adults in Georgia navigating anxiety, overwhelm, and relationship patterns.